Little Lou Lou Handmade | Handmade children's fashion & gifts

Round & around we go!

April 17, 2012 By Lou Lou Leave a Comment

I messed up!

I followed my head instead of my heart & it lead me to shakey ground.

I’ve been avoiding my sewing studio lately. The place that has always been my sanctuary had become my torment. I would walk in, feel that icky dread in my tummy, pull a half arsed day at ‘work’ & then get out of there as quick as I could. I’ve said it over and over but I guess it’s worth saying again, I do what I do because it makes me haaaaappppppppyyyy! :)

However, as lovely as that sounds I do live in the real world & have certain obligations & expectations to fulfill just like everyone else does. I’m not particularly comfortable discussing financial matters in public, but having been a stay at home mother & uni student for many years before starting Little Lou Lou, we have established that we are blessed enough to live comfortably on my husband’s wage. However as my sewing ‘hobby’ took over I discovered that I would need to figure out something to justify it’s expense. It was a new thing to accommodate into our budget, something that was mine alone & I felt like it was unfair that I expect the family to rearrange our finances to allow for it. And to be honest, when I first began sewing for other people I was more than happy to just break even & cover my supplies. I still would be if being a ‘sewing bum’ were socially acceptable but let’s face it, it’s not.

Over time I started to feel the burden of expectation that I expand my hobby into something that generated actual definable profit. Let’s be clear, sewing takes up more hours than I currently sleep. Which is exactly what I wanted, however I can’t escape the feeling that given the amount of time & energy I put into it I should have more to show for it financially speaking. It’s partly an external influence, when someone asks me what I do for a living I want to be able to answer the question with pride. I want to feel like I am making a contribution to the world. I want to feel worthwhile & purposeful. I would prefer that others see me this way too.

It’s also a sense of obligation to my husband. He has worked very hard to provide for our family financially for all of these years, under the unspoken expectation that when I finished my degree I would be contributing significantly to our financial resources, easing the burden on him & enriching our lives further by having a larger disposable income. So while I might be happy to sew away for free & content with what we have, I feel I owe it to him to do more than that.

I’m very blessed. I have a product that I love to make & more people that want to buy it than I am currently able to serve on my own. I am comfortable & confident with how my pricing sits within the comparable market. I am further fortunate to have a school age child & a supportive husband which allows me ample time to create to my hearts content.

Quite frankly at present the only thing that stands in the way of me & further financial growth of my business is my heart.

My heart.

Sometimes I wish that I could be more motivated by money, I truly do. Joy is my currency in a world that only accepts cold hard cash. I can’t exactly front up to Telstra & tell ‘the man’ that whilst I cannot afford to pay my exorbitant internet charges, I am really, really happy. That just wont cut it in the real world. The crazy thing is that all I really need to do to fix this self indulgent little conundrum of mine is to work smarter. I know it. It’s right there in front of me & yet I can’t seem to grab hold of it. I need to plan, streamline the way I work, buy supplies in bulk at discounted rates & then sit down & start pumping out the stock. It’s that simple.

And I tried, I truly did. My last supply order I did in bulk. I thought ahead, planned exactly what I was going to make, worked out the profit margins. I had the most beautiful ‘collection’ all planned out. Most of you loved it, I was excited!

But the reality is, not long after that I started to feel restless & bored. Completely uninspired. The yards & yards of beautiful fabric gave me no joy, I started to resent them. It seems like if I create more than one of any piece I want to stab myself in the eye with my quick unpick to ease the boredom. I can only liken it to what it must feel like for an artist to paint the same picture over & over. When I work in this way, I feel completely uninspired & I stop wanting to create altogether.

Please know, when I say I, I’m talking about me exclusively. The way I feel. The way I work. This is not a thinly veiled criticism of you if this is the way that you work best. I used to be a little judgy-wudgy was a bear about ‘mass production’ in the handmade world…. But over time I’ve learned to see the value in working this way (financially) & am in awe of people who can. The sensible people. The people who will more than likely ‘make something’ of themselves whilst I dither away in an unorganised pile of lace and bows for the rest of my life.

And I know I (we) have been here before. I am quite aware that this issue leads me around in circles and all of you along for the ride are stifling the urge to hurl & jump right off! I know that I sound completely flaky, but I never implied that I was anything but :P

And I feel bad, & more than a little foolish announcing my grand ‘collection’ & jumping ship before it really had a chance to get started. I made promises that I couldn’t keep & I feel genuinely bad about that for my mercifully patient customers. I have a ridonkulous amount of ‘Fanciful Flight’ prints taunting me, reminding me of my inadequacies & mistakes. I’m not even sure yet what I am going to do about that. I thought about having a ‘destash’ sale, but my cutting skills are bloody awful! I even considered making myself a whole ‘Tweet’ wardrobe in order to use it all up & ease my guilt.

What I do know is that for now the ‘Fanciful Flight’ is at a standstill, and the ‘one in every size’ promise revoked. I need to play a while, produce from the heart with my focus on the process rather than the outcome. It makes me happy to wake up with no plan, let the prints, textures and the world all around me inspire my work.

I know I am going to need to find a way to compromise, find the middle ground that allows me to follow my heart & yet meet my obligations.

But I can’t pretend to be something I am not.

I’m letting myself off the hook & I really hope that you will too.

Filed Under: Life, Little Lou Lou

I like to eat it, eat it!

April 15, 2012 By Lou Lou Leave a Comment

I was looking at my Instagram feed this afternoon when I realised that the majority of my pics were of shoes & food. Thinking about it many of my Facebook & Twitter posts are the same. It seems I spend a lot of time eating, and if I am not eating, I am thinking about eating. I am unashamedly passionate about food!

I get the sense that it is almost considered ‘unladylike’ by some for a woman to have a hearty appetite, it’s all supposed to be diet this, fat free that. I can’t count the amount of times when I have been out to eat with female friends and ordered a big old feast while others poked at unappetising looking limp lettuce leaves or gave umpteen instructions to the poor servers about how their food must be prepared, lest the world stops turning if someone ends up with butter on their bread. It’s hard to sit and enjoy a meal whilst listening to calorie this or carb gram that & hear the women I love so much talk about how ‘naughty’ they have been lately. In these situations actually enjoying your meal without regret seems almost improper or obscene.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand and appreciate the desire for a healthy & balanced food intake, it’s just this attitude towards food that equates deprivation with virtual sainthood & creates an almost phobic response to some foods that kind of breaks my heart. I love my food people! When it comes to eating I believe in balance, self moderation, fresh, Seasonal, preferably local ingredients, variety & whole, unprocessed foods. Similarly I believe in the power of food to create pleasure, culture, nurturing & ultimately bring people together.

When I think of a ‘good day’ I think of food, friends & family. A simple & yet perfect combination that never fails to make my heart happy! Days like these…

Handmade Potato Slinky at the Eumundi markets!

Fresh corn off the cob fritters with tomato relish & $5 roses Joy of Joys!

Market Cupcakery! FYI the gentleman manning the stall was pretty sweet too! ;)

I chose the red velvet with cream cheese frosting.. ooh baby!

Real fruit Icy cup really cools you down on a hot day!

Jumbo fruit salad topped with crunchy toasted muesli, Greek yoghurt & honey at Nude Deli Cotton Tree

More Nude food. I am a terrible food photographer but this was SERIOUSLY good eating. Roast pumpkin, mushroom & chicken lasange with fresh salad greens & a liberal splash of zingy honey mustard dressing. Love, love, loved this!

Carrot Cake giant cookie with cream cheese frosting (again with the cream cheese Lou Lou!) also Nude

Lovely Cotton Tree, fast becoming one of my favourite places to spend a lazy Saturday!

Fresh, local Seafood – Thank you Fisherman’s Haul I was so excited to find you so close to home!

It is usually me that drags my husband along to chase my culinary fantasies, but every now & again he has a suggestion & I have to indulge him. I was most definitely out of my comfort zone in more ways than one when we hit the ‘Golden Nugget’ for breakfast this morning, a local truck stop/restaurant situated along the Bruce Highway. There was not a fruit or vegetable in sight so I skipped the meat fest & pinched the grilled tomatoes from everyone’s plates. But I had some pretty cool breakfast buddies..

Not quite sure where they were going with this? Crazy noodles.

Decadent Deli Case- B Fresh Markets Warana (sadly no webby :( )

(My husband gets super embarrassed when I pull out my phone & start photographing food, but I can’t help it, I find delicious food so exciting that I want EVERYONE to try it too!)

Pumpkin Salad with fetta, sundried tomatoes, baby spinach, spanish onion & pine nuts. I loves me a fancy salad!

This plate is an absolute disgrace because some piggy who shan’t be named started munching before photographing. But here we have parmesan baked pita crisps, rosemary & sea salt paper thin crackers, rocket, pear & fetta dip & bruschetta topping. The dip was light & sweet in a gorgeous shade of green that I didn’t quite capture. The Bruschetta topping was delicious, it wasn’t oily at all & the tomatoes were soft & sweet with a hint of basil. Yum Yum YUM!

Baby taste tester- we love strawberries!

Best friend

Just Chillaxing

(and showing off my pretty shoes :P )

We love sand..

and sunshine!

(I am the proudest Aunty ever! I was blessed to be there to welcome this precious soul into the world & I haven’t stopped gushing since. She is joy personified & has just learned to say my name!)

Say CHEESE!

I hope your weekends are full of family, food & fun!

Filed Under: eats, family, Life, Yummy

Quiet.

April 9, 2012 By Lou Lou Leave a Comment

Last night I ended my 2 year treadmill strike. Yes, it’s really been that long! I do go for walks occasionally yadda yadda but let’s just say exercise & I aren’t exactly buddies. I was a chronic P.E wagger in high school. I hate puffing, I hate getting sweaty & the physical effects of working out just kinda freak me out. However yesterday I just needed to ‘do’ something. I felt emotionally chaotic & restless. I couldn’t stand myself & my feral mood. I wrote the pink portion of this post yesterday & it was so darn blah that I couldn’t post it. If I was sick of myself then I didn’t want to make you guys sick of me too, so I just left my browser open & walked away..

I’ve always been the kind of person that struggles with not being honest. If I am hiding something from you, you wont find me making a million fancy stories or excuses, I will just withdraw from you because it is easier than having to deal with not being able to tell the truth. Truth is freedom, for real.

I have had some kind of heavy stuff going on in my personal life lately that has made it almost impossible to blog or to pick up the phone & call those that I love & those that I would usually lean on for support. I’ve been kind of withdrawing from people because it is easier than having to deal with the anxiety of keeping secrets & I’ve withdrawn from this space because I feel like if I can’t talk with you all honestly then I can’t talk to you at all. I miss this space. I miss the freedom of sending my thoughts out to the universe instead of keeping them locked inside my head.

I have a beautiful life. I truly do. I have a husband that shows me unconditional love, a child that is sunshine personified, a support network that I feel completely unworthy of, a ‘job’ that I adore & my pretty shoes outnumber my feet tenfold. I want for very little. But what I have realised lately is that even with all of these things, I find it almost impossible to be happy when someone I love is hurting.

It’s no secret that I am a control freak, I have to know & be prepared for everything in minute detail. I’m a doer, when something goes wrong I swing into action and get ‘doing’! But sometimes there is really nothing to do. Some things are completely out of our control. The big things. And this is where I seem to struggle time & time again. Someone I love is hurting right now and I am utterly useless. The situation is completely out of my control. Nothing I do or say will make things better, so I am left watching them ride it out & feeling helpless. I’m all out of things to do.

I do not know how to be still with this feeling. I do not know how to be when there is nothing to ‘do’.

Enter date with the treadmill. It was so hilarious I almost took pictures but then I thought that might be just a procrastination technique so I refrained. But picture this..

It is no accident that the Vax lives on my treadmill, because I avoid both like the plague. Picture two clothing racks in front of the treadmill & the ironing board pushed in front of that. It was like treadmill Everest that I had to climb to make exercise possible. I fought my way through, plugged her in & popped on the clever magnetic key thingymabob. I expected to hear that cute little ‘beep beep’ that told me I was ready to jump aboard and enter the death zone but there was nothing. I thought to myself ‘If this thing has died from lack of use my husband is seriously going to kill me!’. I’ve mentioned it before but this rather expensive & yet neglected piece of equipment is a contentious issue within my marriage. I begged for it, he bought it, I didn’t use it, we sold it, I bought it back. Yes, I really did that. ‘Nuff said.

It then occurred to me that there was one more thing that I had forgotten to try. Oh yes, the on button. Yep, it has been so long that I literally forgot how to use my treadmill y’all! *le sigh*

How embarrassment!

The carnival of errors didn’t stop there though. After about 5 minutes Miss precious was a little too hot. Steps off treadmill, takes off shirt, get’s back on. Still too hot. I made my way to the back of the machine walking backwards, somehow managed not to fall off, turned on fan, good to go! Did I mention that I hate exercise? Well I hate it so much that I can’t face it without tricking myself into it by watching television at the same time. I decided to watch Masterchef re runs on my laptop so cleverly propped up my laptop on my ironing board, now I was really ready! After about 3 minutes I started to feel dizzy and realised that the positioning of the screen was making me motion sick. Get back off treadmill, climbed up to prop laptop on top of bookcase. Perfect.

*** by the way, that Rachel lady on masterchef, holy flirtypants batman! Ahem.

Anyway, no treadmill or Lou Lou was harmed in the making of this blog. I may have been in just my bra, it may have taken me longer to get it all set up than I actually spent exercising, I may have been salivating the whole time thinking about the masterchefery that I would create when I was done & Adriano Zumbo, but I did it. Strike over!

I also did it again this morning with far less complaining!

I don’t know why I turned to my arch nemesis for such unlikely comfort. I realised something though. I may not be able to control what is going on in my life right now. I may not be able to ‘fix’ things or even make them better for those that I love. But I can look after me. Up until Friday I had been sick for four weeks. One of those cold/flu hybrids that I just couldn’t shake. My insomnia was back & I was feeling perpetually nauseous. Looking back, it is no surprise given my current stress & anxiety levels that my immune system had taken a pounding. However, if I can manage my own stress productively & fill my soul cup I will have more to give to those who need me.

I realised something else too. Life might not look the way that I thought it would, not the way we planned. But it can still be a good life. It is a good life. Things probably aren’t going to go back to ‘normal’ any time soon, but together we will make a new kind of normal.

In the immortal words of the Rolling Stones…

“You can’t always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you just might find
You just might find
You get what you need”

It’s going to be ok.

Filed Under: family, Life, Love, Things that suck

Courage.

February 28, 2012 By Lou Lou Leave a Comment

I’m not sure when, why or how I first became afraid. I remember when I was in the 1st or 2nd grade I was involved in a school performance. It was the most random thing, I was called into a classroom one day and asked to sing a song that I had never heard before. I still remember every word to that song by the way! Anyway, I got the part, had my own solo on stage and we performed at what I think was a local RSL. It’s hardly Broadway sure, but when I look back at how tiny and brave I must have been I am in awe of my rad little self. I vividly remember standing there on stage, I was frightened but I just kinda did it. And then my five minutes of fame was over.

The next year there was another performance, I remember it being kind of ‘expected’ that I try out. The first time was so easy, someone chose me and that was that, when I sang for the teacher I had no real knowledge that I was ‘trying out’. It didn’t feel like I was being tested, I was asked to sing and so I did. This time though it was so different, the class was full of my peers and those above me & you were supposed to stand up and sing in front of the whole room. I was absolutely terrified. I sat there feeling the anxiety build up until I couldn’t stand it any more, so I asked for permission to go to the toilet. And that is where I stayed.

Looking back on it I cannot even believe that as a tiny little primary student I was essentially wagging class. I wasn’t trying to be naughty, it was just that the fear of singing in front of that room was so much greater than the fear of getting in trouble. I don’t have any idea how long I sat there, but when I finally ventured out of the bathroom the tryouts were over and I had escaped my fate. At the tender age of five or six I learned that when expectation (whether real or only perceived) got too much for me, I could hide. The relief was palpable. I don’t remember my teacher’s name that year but by golly I remember how relieved I felt when I realised that I wouldn’t have to sing. I think I have been hiding in bathrooms in one way or another ever since.

I wish I knew what it was that started it all, I truly do not have any idea of what could turn me from a child who could stand up and sing in front of a crowded RSL, to a child that hid in bathrooms. I’m not sure if anxiety disorders develop that young, whether it was a simple developmental change or whether something significant happened in that time that changed everything, it’s a complete mystery to me.

I had my first diagnosed panic attack in my early 20′s. Though I think I had experiences leading up that were milder versions. I remember my first attack vividly, it was at a time in my life that was chaotic and full of change, I felt the heavy burden of adult responsibilities and the confusion of adult relationships. I felt lost and out of control. I have had bouts of dreadful insomnia for as long as I can remember so I had decided to see a Dr about it. Who sensibly prescribed me medication. When I tried to take one of the pills I had a panic attack. True to form I didn’t scream or cry or draw attention to myself. I just sat quietly on the couch beside my boyfriend quite literally feeling like I was about to die and then I went to the bathroom and threw up. That’s always sexy.

And it passed, as they always do and I was left wondering what the hell was that? Part of me knew I think, but I took the very typical route of someone pre- anxiety disorder diagnosis & took myself off for all the medial checks and tests. Because how on earth could something that felt so hideous & physical be psychological in origin? I had to be dying of something! Thank goodness I didn’t really use Dr Google back then because I would have been in a world of trouble. Or maybe not, maybe I would have found help sooner. I had panic attacks intermittently for a few years after that, but they were easy to deal with because whatever activity precipitated an attack, I would just stop doing it. I can’t even begin to verbalise the relief that comes when you ‘escape’ a panic attack. You find yourself hurriedly excusing yourself from any number of social events that get too difficult and rush home to ‘safety’. And while it feels like pillow-soft comfort at the time, what you are really doing is building a 50 foot high wall between yourself and the rest of the world.

I know that some of you will be nodding along with every word of this, and others will be a little confused because they have ‘panicked’ before when they locked their keys in the car or got up 2 hours late for work or something, and it’s not really that big of a deal. But maybe some of you have been in the car before when some jerk off pulls out in front of you without indicating, and as you slam your foot on the brakes and hope to hell that your car can slow down in time before you hit, and time seems to be moving superman fast and yet in slow motion all at once, and you wonder to yourself if this is really it and will you ever see your husband, mother, child, best friend ever again, are you wearing nice underwear and will your ex-boyfriend rock up to your funeral?..

It’s sheer ice-cold, terror, your thoughts move at 100 miles an hour and your body is in sensory overload.

That’s what a panic attack feels like. Except there is no car. You could be anywhere doing anything. Your body is relentlessly bracing for near disaster 24/7 and you just can’t escape the terror because it is being created within you.

So you can see why a person might try and avoid it.

Thankfully those days are long gone and I don’t often have panic attacks anymore and if I do they are manageable. Cognitive behavioural therapy and self-care have been a literal life saver for me. But hitting the big 30 made me realise something. I’ve spent a good portion of those 30 years hiding in bathrooms, both literally and metaphorically. When something frightens me, my instinctive reaction is to panic and hide. When I fear that I might fail, I cease to try. I’ve lived a black and white life, do it perfect or not at all. I’m terrified to put myself forward, I find it near impossible to speak up and ask for what I want/need so I stay silent. I lack courage.

I took some time off recently to work out which direction I wanted to take Little Lou Lou. I needed the free time to clear some space in my head. And you know I still don’t have it all figured out. But I made a promise to myself. I promised myself that I was no longer going to allow fear to influence my choices. I am blessed with so many things that give me all the potential for success, I have time, space, resources, passion & a firm support network. What I need to develop now is courage. Courage not to worry so much about what other people think or do, courage to create with abandon rather than within the confines of my comfort zone. The courage to ask for help, and accept it when it is offered. The courage to use my voice. The courage to forge my own path and dream bigger dreams.

So I did what felt like a crazy thing at the time. And it was the easiest and the hardest thing in the world for me to do. I entered a mini competition/giveaway thingy at Forming Circles. All I had to do was mention what 3 things I would change about my business if I could, and what I would specifically need to change them. Choosing was easy, I had been thinking about it for a while. I want a new logo, a professional photo shoot and a website update. All definitely within my own reach but all not really within budget for a while yet. Actually putting my hand up to be noticed, and expressing those needs was soooo much harder. My face was hot and I was mortified as I wrote down the dreaded ‘numbers’. I find discussing financial matters difficult at the best of times, in front of such a large audience it felt near impossible! But I thought to myself what is the worst thing that could happen?

and guess what did happen? I won!! I actually won! Forming Circles has offered to fund my new logo and business cards! I put my hand up to be counted, expressed my wish and it was granted. Just like that! It was completely exhilarating! Liberating! I spoke up, put myself forward and the whole universe didn’t collapse! I can’t even express my gratitude, not just for the prize but for the experience and the lesson learned. It’s given me such a boost to my confidence and inspiration for my work. I feel motivated to truly ‘earn’ Renata’s investment, to make her proud because I admire her & believe in her vision so very much.

So I guess my point is, when the universe offers you an opportunity, say yes. When a door is opened for you, step inside for at least a peek. I’m still terrified, still not completely sure where I am going but I am moving forward with my heart open.

I’m no longer hiding.

xxLL

Filed Under: Inspire, Life, Little Lou Lou, PDA

733 days.

February 25, 2012 By Lou Lou Leave a Comment

It’s been 733 days.

I’ve thought about what should have been almost every one of them.

It gets easier and harder.

Tears for you continue to take me by surprise.

A dull ache, a longing.

I stare at babies and bumps and I wonder about you.

I kept thinking that I wanted to try again, when all I really wanted was you.

Not a baby, I wanted my baby.

The one that existed for such an excruciatingly short time within my womb, but kept safe in my heart forever.

It’s so hard to reconcile that life can be created, and lost, and the world doesn’t skip a beat.

So I just wanted you to know that you mattered.

You were loved & wanted.

And for what it’s worth I will be your mummy, for always.

Not in my arms, but in my heart.

“Gonna burn your name right across the sky
So I never forget what the feeling’s like

I want every single soul to know
That I love you for what you are

So I sound the bells that praise your precious heart”

Filed Under: gratitude, Life, Loss, Love, Things that suck

The business of birthdays.

February 22, 2012 By Lou Lou Leave a Comment

I woke up 30 this morning, It was hard to ignore particularly because my husband woke me up at 12.00am to tell me so (he is sweet but a little too enthusiastic about the whole deal if you ask me!). In some ways I feel so very old and then in other insecure, notoriously socially awkward ways I feel like I am still 15 years old.

I still get that face, so does my daughter. Is grumpiness genetic do you think?

I wonder what she is thinking?

Probably something cheeky, I still get this face too. As does my daughter. They call that karma.

It’s so weird looking at old photos of yourself. Someone you know so well but somehow you can’t reach them. If I could, I would tell her that she is perfectly good enough just the way she is, and that everything would work out just fine. Let’s just fast forward those angsty years shall we? Or not. The older I get the more I believe that everything is working out just how it is supposed to, even if it doesn’t make sense right now.

I’m grateful to be here, grateful for 30 years. Hopeful for 30 more!

It’s at these milestone birthdays that we start bargaining with our time left here on earth. If you give me another 30 years I promise to stop eating cold Watties tin spaghetti for breakfast and use the treadmill more… or something like that.

FYI I like to milk my birthday’s for all they are worth. At least a week’s worth of attention will do.

My birthday started like this..

I am an absolute fool for flowers, I just can’t get enough of them. Whether they come in gorgeous fancy arrangements like this one did (thank you my darling Vanessa), or fresh from my own garden, they are like gold to me. And I have the disgusting habit of holding on to them way past stinky…

I’m not really the ‘party animal’ type. Sure, I do like to get my tipsy on occasionally, but waking up with a hangover (or worse) is not my ideal birthday treat. I’ll save my sloshpants for YOUR birthday! Instead I like to head away with a few of my favourite peeps and just laze about & eat my weight in fine foods. If you don’t come back 5 kilos heavier then you are doing it wrong imo :P

So we rented a beach house in the teeny little ‘Town of Seaside’ on the Sunny Coast. Seriously, it is like the set of Desperate Housewives , immaculately manicured patches of suburban perfection, it’s very easy to forget your troubles there! I felt like a right tool taking a photograph of the public toilet, and I’m sure the perfectly manicured residents were horrified by my uncouth behaviour but come on, look at it! I would happily live in there!

The house we actually rented wasn’t too shabby either!

It was large & well proportioned, with every mod con you could ever desire & that fancy grass that you just want to roll around in!

This was my favourite part of the whole house. The perfect chair to read a book, catch the morning sun and listen to the sounds of the ocean. Only common decency and my husband stopped me from squishing that chair into our car & taking it home.

We spent some time frolicking!

and eating…. ok, that was mainly me doing the eating, but it’s MY birthday and I will gain 10 kilos if I want to! :P

That is such a craptacular photo of the Gelati, but have you ever tried to take a picture of gelati with your glasses getting misty with excitement as you fight the natural urge to lick the cabinet? I guess not. This multi award winning creamy confection was at Colin James fine foods Maleny. Did you know they have a whole room for cheese there? I would love to hide in there like some sneaky over sized mouse and just nibble my days away…

Of course I couldn’t resist stopping into Rosetta Books

Where I proceeded to buy half the store, or at least that is what you would think if you had heard the slight groaning sound my husband made when we were at the cash register. Personally, I think I was quite restrained (don’t make me pull the birthday card again!).

I popped in to see lovely Ann at Quiltopia Design , where I got to fondle all of the pretty fabrics in person for once & pick up a few pretties that I ‘needed’..

She gave me this cute little tape measure shaped like a rubber ducky for my birthday and it tickles me no end. There is a five year old trapped inside of this 30 year old body just dying to come out and play I swear!

Sadly, like all good things, my perfect little holiday had to come to an end. Of course I was sad but also eager to get home to greet my new sewing love child…

and celebrate my proper birthday, today!

With some tasty treats from a couple of crazy friends who were super duper awesome enough to indulge my love of peanut butter confectionery… I almost fainted when I saw this! I can see myself getting rather fattyboomtastic this year/week. Thank you my lovelies for being so thoughtful and hilarious. I can just imagine the two of you conjuring up this!

And some pretty gifts that had been taunting me to open them all week. I literally squealed with delight when I saw the unmistakable packaging from Pip Studio . “Happy products for Happy People” -hey that’s me!!

This pretty porcelain is absolutely DIVINE and I feel incredibly blessed to be given such a beautiful gift. Straight to the top of this strange crockery hierarchy I have going in this house! I get seriously annoyed when someone has the audacity to use MY favourite plate/cup. Hell will have no fury like yours truly if anyone dares to touch these babies!

So if you were wondering what else I was planning to do with my special day, skydiving or swinging from some chandelier perhaps?

Nope. In truly Bridget Jonesesque style I am climbing back into bed with Jane Austin & some Reece’s pieces to laze the day away until I meet my darling for lunch. Even at 30 I am SUCH a NERD! :P

P.S. It looks like 30 is definitely going to be the age of the photoshop! ;0 )

xxLL

Filed Under: eats, family, Life, silly, Yummy

Anatomy of a schlumpy schlump.

February 12, 2012 By Lou Lou Leave a Comment

So I started thinking about when this schlumpiness set in. I think it was a couple of weeks ago when I was asked to write a short piece on branding for the very charming Ali. I thought to myself ‘I can do that!’ (read that is within my comfort zone) & set about writing my contribution. She was contagiously enthusiastic about what I wrote so I started mentally high fiving myself for not screwing it up. And then a day or so later she said this..

Thanks again for the blog. I may sneakily be asking you to add a little more to it (if you can) Next week we are talking about THE NEXT STEP – where the businesses go when they feel they are ready to branch out. Just wondered if you could do a little something about how you went from hobby to business to where you re now! If you can I will do a whole blog on you, that would be a great one. Don’t worry if you can’t and no hurry. Ali Cheeky Pickle xx

Awesome right? Another opportunity to toot my own trumpet, a whole post dedicated to yours truly! (like that’s all we need :P). So what do you think I did? Put my thinking cap on & wrote a comprehensive dedication to my general awesomeness and business prowess? Err…no.

I pretended like I hadn’t seen the message.

At this point I should apologise to the lovely Ali in case she ever reads this. I’m sorry Ali, I am clearly socially retarded. A simple ‘no thank you’ would have been better manners. In all honesty the thought terrified me. I couldn’t even begin to answer the ‘where you are now’ part. I have what I believe is a good product, I have the customers who want to buy it (more than I can currently serve), I have the blog, store, Facebook page, I have an ABN and I use MYOB. But I still don’t know if this is how I am supposed to feel & where I am supposed to go next. I really do. not. know.

Not knowing frightens me. I feel like I did back when I was 16 & everyone else seemed to know exactly what they wanted to do with their life except me. I have this friend who was in a few classes with me in school, out of the two of us I was probably smarter. I know, I know you aren’t supposed to say things like that but I don’t mean it in a nasty way. I was fatter with bigger feet, are we even now? Anyway, while this friend wasn’t as smart, she had this unshakable drive. She set a path for herself and she didn’t deviate from it for a second and now she is doing amazing worldly things. Me? I worked at woolies for years and then 2 days before I was accepted into my dream degree in one of the best universities in this country, I found out I was pregnant. Three quarters of the way through my degree I decided I might prefer sewing instead… Can you see where I am going with this?

I feel like I skipped the ‘drive’ gene. There is a button down the side of my blog there that says ‘daydream believer’. I didn’t put it there to be cute or hipster, it’s just true. I’m glad there is a pretty button for it now as it makes me feel slightly less ashamed of it. I’m turning 30 in a week and 2 days. I know I keep going on about it but it isn’t a vanity thing. If you saw how hairy my legs are right now you would believe me. It’s that looming milestone that makes me question whether I have used the blessing of the past 30 years wisely. The fear that I could potentially use the next 30 even less wisely. Or the cold hard truth that there might not even be another 30. Enter schlumpiness, stage left.

At this point I should check my privilege at the door & acknowledge that these middle class white girl problems aren’t exactly going to make you cry me a river. I’m fully aware that even having the luxury of all this navel-gazing suggests that I have a pretty good life, and I do. Maybe this is what happens when you have all of your basic needs met, you go searching for other pseudo crises to solve..

Whatever it is though, I haven’t been able to shake it. It’s made me feel lost and inadequate. It’s made me question my self and lose touch with what I really love. I’ve been worried that my dreams aren’t up to scratch. That on my tombstone it will read ‘There lies Lou Lou, who had to many shoes, ate too many cupcakes & made pretty bloomers’. Not exactly a touching sentiment.

But then something I saw last night stopped me in my tracks. For the first time in a few weeks I felt like everything was going to be just fine & maybe I am exactly where I am supposed to be right here, right now.

To be honest I didn’t really understand Forming Circles until last night. I thought it was just another charity thing. A lot of my friends had submitted amazing videos to win a $5000 grant for the development of their business, and I was there to cheer them on. I think I was supposed to watch that video last night. Not for my friends, ( YAY YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME!!) but for me. I had always believed that business didn’t have to be push & shovey. That you didn’t need to trample all over other people in order to get ahead. That helping others up didn’t meant that you were left behind. That kindness and integrity mattered.

But lately I have been feeling jaded, and in turn have been using my kindness …. err…. more sparingly. Some days I am plain old bitter. This past year and a half in business has been a steep learning curve for me, I have had people come into my life and people walk out. I have been trampled on a few times and been caught in the cross fire of a battle that was waged long before I came along, way too many times. My heart is a little bruised, my skin no thicker. I’ve been criticised for who I am and criticised others in return. My husband is frequently telling me that I am too self righteous (those aren’t his words but that is essentially what he means, he is also telling me I use too many big words) and that people struggle to live up to my expectations of them.

He is right. By ‘people’ I’m sure he means him, but I know it to be true for others too. I justify it by saying that my expectations of others are no greater than those that I put on myself, but truth be told I guess we could use all use a break. Renata’s words last night reminded me of the power of kindness. She called it the ‘butterfly effect’ and lately I guess I’ve been caught up in the opposite. Let’s call it ‘the wasp effect’. You sting me, I sting you and on it goes.

She reminded me that love has a place in the business world. That what you can do for others is as important as what you do for yourself. I realised last night that perhaps what I am ‘meant to be’ is exactly what I have always been. Maybe I just took a few detours along the way? Perhaps my purpose is simply to make beautiful things, make people laugh, and help others. And that is enough. Perhaps I do not need to produce more, I need to love more & gossip less. Perhaps I don’t need to make more money, perhaps I need to be more charitable. Perhaps I might never have a particularly profitable business, but my contribution to the world will be valuable none the less.

Perhaps I am enough.

And I feel better already :) I feel more grounded and peaceful. I feel inspired again.

But I am still going to take some time. Because while my mind might be raring to go, my body is tired and I’ve lost the appetite for anything other than cream donuts. And my workspace is so untidy that I am too mortified to show you a picture. Did I have a keg party in there and I just don’t remember it? I need to get more organised so I bought this fancy calendar.

I’m not sure if I can now hide the fact that I am one of those annoying fools who like to dot their ‘I’s with a love heart.. It’s so cool & it only cost me $17.95 because all of the intelligent people got organised way back in January! It’s looking kind of full already, but instead 0f resenting it I will choose to embrace it because I have a new focus.

I have to go now because I have a date with this..

Oh dear.

xxLL

Filed Under: Life, Little Lou Lou, Loss, Things that suck

With a little help from my friends…

February 11, 2012 By Lou Lou Leave a Comment

I’ve been feeling a little schlumpy lately. A little bit Jaded and a scary lack of direction or sense of purpose. It’s times like these that I honestly daydream about letting go of Little Lou Lou. Given the time, work & love I have put into my lil biz this thought is both terrifying and yet it offers some fluffy comfort at the same time.

I don’t know what the problem is exactly, I can’t quite put my finger on it. It’s just a feeling of unease and melancholy. Sometimes what I do gets overwhelming and I forget why I am here. The weight of expectation is heavy, whether it be that of others or that which I place on myself. Sometimes I get a little caught up in the wahm community histrionics & dramas & my spirit gets bruised. I guess on occasion forget who I am.

So I have decided to take a couple of weeks leave & take some room to breathe. My sewing studio looks like cyclone Yasi’s big brother popped in for a spot of tea.. My house not much better. My daughter wants me to jump on the trampoline more and hubby is demanding more snuggle time. I haven’t called one of my best friends in the world for ages! I want to pick the camelias in my garden before they turn brown. I want to buy a new book & visit my beloved Maleny. I want to listen to Ben Harper really, really loud & daydream for a while. I want to spend a day by the sea and feel the sand in my toes.

These all might seem like small things but they are the things that truly make me happy and soothe my soul. The things that make me me. So I am going to schedule them in for the next couple of weeks and see if I can’t get my happy back!

But before that, I am going to take some time tonight to show some appreciation to the beautiful women who took time out of their own busy schedules today to support little old me. Without being asked and without expectation of anything in return. I don’t like to bang on about ‘Likers’ and such very often because to be honest if you do that too much I think you sound like a bit of wanker. It’s the online equivalent of walking into a room and yelling ‘hey look at me and all the friends I have’. Not a good look..

But tonight, with a little help from my friends that shiny red box at the top of my page went off like a brides nightie on honeymoon (my friend Deb taught me that expression & it makes me giggle). And while the specific number doesn’t interest me very much, the fact that new people saw my little page today for the first time thanks to all of these lovely women who took the time to send me a shout out, that means something to me. I am so grateful for that. I am just grateful that I have people willing to look at my page at all, let alone share it with other people!

So before I go to bed tonight I am taking the time to celebrate those who were so good to me this evening with a bazillion shout outs, many of whom are so good to me, always. In no particular order..

Little Miss sprinkles

LMS is relatively new on my radar but hey, anything that involves sprinkles is sure to be right up my alley. Miss sprinkles makes an assortment of hair pretties and we can never get enough of those in this house! Thank you so much for your support this evening :)

Fresh from Mamma’s markets in lovely Buderim we received a shout out from Dolly Vardens who supply great coffee, French macarons and petite cupcakes.They are a mobile biz and would be happy to service your next event or party! What a great idea! Who doesn’t love macarons and cupcakes? mmmm…. P.S how cute is this?

Never missing an opportunity to show us some love are our great friends 76 Tilly Lane the girls at Tilly lane show us unwavering support & it is such a comfort to have them always cheering me on! Not to mention the crazy beautiful creations they continue to come up with! Like this one…

Our lovely friend Jo at Giovanna is just a sweetheart. I’ve never heard her say a bad word about anyone and I kinda like that in a gal. She makes lovely frocks like this one which I bought for my favourite bebe.. Cute right?

I just love our friend Kristi over at Livvysloves
I met Kristi as a customer, who became a friend, and now she is a fellow work at home mum. She stocks plenty of handmade goodness including pretty dresses like these, oh and she is a sweety pie ;)

Bluebells and Daisies is another small business in our local area stocking handmade children’s clothing. It’s always nice to meet other work at home mums based locally. Yay for handmade!

It’s always a pleasure to share anything by Tara K Designs. Everything Kerrie creates is just exquisite. Over the past couple of years our friendship has evolved & I truly value her support. Kerrie is as fiery as she is soft and sweet & knowing her is never boring! ;)

A big thanks to the new kids on the block Ruffle Street, a friendly, inclusive place to buy and sell ruffles and other handmade goodies. I really enjoy the cheeky vibe of this page, they do not take themselves too seriously on ruffle street!

My love affair with Little Wildrose is no secret. I just love Janine’s style & design aesthetic, not to mention she is sassy, hilarious and an all round sweetheart. She is a joy to know and I am proud to call this talented woman a friend! Did I mention she named a clutch after yours truly, I swear it never gets old! :P

Some of the sweetest dollies I know come from Miss Goody two shoes herself & I am delighted to have Chrissy in my world as a customer, friend and fellow hand maiden. Chrissy is crazy gorgeous in every way possible and today she made my day with a kind word and raving review. I’m so glad I didn’t send her that upsy down dress I made her…
A Huge thank you to Naomi of Seven Cherubs who is not only a talented blogger to boot but also a generous soul for organising a huge fundraising effort for the King family. This story touched me in a way I cannot express & I hold Lisa and her boys in my thoughts as they walk this difficult path.

And what is not to love about Heart Candy? I am in awe of Jessie’s talent as an artist and blessed that her sweet soul gives me the time of day. Some people are just a pleasure to know and that is Miss Jessie!
Kylie over on 1 Ruby Road is another plain darling. There is a refreshing honesty and vulnerability about Kylie that is so endearing, you just want to smoosh her! Plus she makes these gorgeous skirts for mamas, I am yet to get my beautiful big butt into one but I shall one of these days!
More lovely hair adornments over at Mr’s P’s pretties. I don’t think I have had the pleasure of bumping into Mrs P online before but I appreciate that she took the time to say hello to us this evening and shared our market night – Thanks Mrs P! :)

Next is lovely Julia of Squeeze Cuddles. Julia is such a kind, supportive lady in the true sense of the world. She pushes the ruffly envelope with her amazing five ruffle bloomers and always has a sweet comment for everyone. I’m not sure she gets the credit or appreciation she deserves..

Let’s not forget our lovely friend Monique, who just keeps pulling out gorgeous for us all to go gaga over. I’m not sure where Mon gets her stamina, she’s kind of amazing & Willow Mae just screams all kinds of gorgeous!

I must return some love to The Bunny and the Bear as Priscilla is a constant support and cheerleader for other work at her mums and quite the quiet achiever in her corner of the handmade world! Her creative powers are pretty darn special too :)

Miss bec with her page Meant for Eden, is just one of those people who melts your heart. She is sugary sweet & soft but yet stronger than she probably knows. I’m not sure how she stumbled into my life or why, but now it kind of feels like she has been there forever & I’m grateful for the girl that shares my passion for the colour pink & trashy TV.

And last but definitely not least is my favourite Pixie mama herself over at The Pixie Pot. Debbles is my sewing soul sister & I do not know what I ever did without her. Every now and again I am tempted to pack my bags and move in next door so we can sew and giggle our way into old age. She’s going to get there first though :P Did I mention that she is my favourite ruffler of all time?

Thank you all so much, without you and many more I wouldn’t even have a Little Lou Lou to need a break from. I am perpetually grateful and aware of how lucky I have been to be the recipient of such support.
With big loveLLxx

Filed Under: Uncategorized

The tale of the grey Rhombus! (why copying matters in the handmade world)

January 22, 2012 By Lou Lou Leave a Comment

Many moons ago, long before I ever touched a sewing machine, the handmade market looked a little like this. It was an exciting rainbow of ideas and creativity. Some good ideas, some bound for Regretsy..

But there was something out there for fruit loops in every flavour!

But then something very strange happened.. One day for some reason the grey rhombus became super popular. Perhaps it was a really clever idea that filled a void in the market? Perhaps it solved some problem & made life easier? Or perhaps someone spotted Brangelina with one & then everyone else decided they needed one too? In any case, these things rarely make sense, but for some undefined reason the grey rhombus developed a halo & they flew off the handmade shelves..

Voila!

Soon enough the handmade market place had to change a little to accommodate the grey Rhombus’s newfound halo ‘as spotted with Brangelina’ status. Hand maidens everywhere couldn’t see the point in selling their beloved gold stars, when it seemed everyone wanted a Grey Rhombus, so production of the Grey Rhombus soared to meet demand. But it was ok, the handmade customers were so happy that they too could finally get their hands on a grey Rhombus too! Grey Rhombus for everyone! Yaaaaaay!

But over time, with so many Grey Rhombuses to choose from it was hard for the happy handmade customers to decide where to buy their grey Rhombus. A few hipster happy handmade customers weren’t even sure that the grey Rhombus was so special after all, especially after that recent cosmo feature where Brangelina was spotted with a pink heart.. With sales of Grey Rhombuses declining, handmaidens everywhere started to look for new ways to sell their Grey Rhombus wares.. And one day, someone did this!

When everyone is selling the Great Grey Rhombus, and they all look pretty much the same, what better way to make your own Grey Rhombus start out but to make it cheaper? Sales of the $25 Grey Rhombus soared! Why pay $30 for a Grey Rhombus when you can buy them elsewhere for $25? And with the success of the $25 Grey Rhombus, even more folks jumped on on the hand-maker train & mass production of the Grey Rhombus carried on, full steam ahead until the handmade market looked… like this..

Grey Rhombus makers everywhere fought to get their very own Rhombus to be noticed in the overwhelming sea of grey. Even the handmaidens who had resisted the pull of the shiny Grey Rhombus started to wonder whether there was any point in producing anything else but a Grey Rhombus, and as the doubts crept in the price of the red Pentagons went down too. Until eventually the handmade market looked like this :(

Meanwhile, the previously happy handmade customers, spontaneously snoozed at the mere sight of the Grey Rhombus!

and not even the promise of a 99cent Rhombus was enough to get them moving anywhere but the trash. Owning a Rhombus became almost passe, akin to owning a Backstreet Boys CD or a hypercolour T-shirt?

When even the local bum under the bridge won’t use a grey rhombus for a toilet, the Happy Handmade people wouldn’t be seen dead with a Grey Rhombus!

So next time you put your creative powers to work, pause for a second and think ‘Am I adding to the handmade market rainbow, or is this just another grey rhombus?’ I know which I would prefer!

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Sisters.

January 16, 2012 By Lou Lou Leave a Comment

“Finally you got your long-awaited privacy, your own grown-up life, and you wound up calling her all the time just to see what she is doing.

You wouldn’t have guessed it years ago while you were yelling at her through the bathroom door, but there’s so much comfort, such relief in having someone in your life who has always known you, who gets your jokes & accepts your eccentricities. Who else has humoured you throughout your rebellious phase, your intellectual phase, and that one weird health food phase?

No matter who you’ve become, your sister knows where you began, how it all started. She may be the only person who has the ability to recount every good, great, or stupid thing you’ve ever done. She understands the girl inside the grown up woman you are today, and that is no small thing.”

It started a little like this..

admittedly it wasn’t exactly love at first sight!

Back then I thought you were a pain in my rear.. but looking at this picture now I realise just how precious you were & I wish that I had been a little nicer to you. Like that time I dragged you through the bindies.. If I could go back in time I would take better care of you, I would let you know that you are a great dancer with an awesome voice & pretty fabulous style.

Time changes everything…

It has been so beautiful watching you grow.

(I remember when you bought that dress, I was a pain in the ass that day, I’m sorry about that too.)

You met a boy… who changed everything.

(and so began the serious of photos in various stages of undress that I will continue to tease you about, are you sure your husband actually owns clothes because he never seems to be wearing any :P )

I’m not sure that ever I told you this, but you were so beautiful that day.

And every day.

“Your sister will do anything for you, as proven by the bridesmaid dress she wore at your wedding.”

and I forgive you for that too.

lemon meringue anyone? :P

I met a boy too..

And I think you approved because..

When you first saw me on my wedding day you looked at me like this..

and told me I looked like a princess!

(Thank you for always making me feel pretty)

You looked really pretty that day too, and I couldn’t have done it without you there.

I remember exactly the story I was telling you here, who else would have been as suitably outraged as you? Thank you for ‘getting it’ and always having my back.

One of my favourite parts of the whole day was just lying here with you, two girls on a bed (and a charming young man who I also adore) , having a chat. I pray you always find time to lay on my bed for a chat.

But not just girls anymore, also mothers. Have I told you lately that you are a beautiful mother? I hope you know that, I don’t think you get enough credit. Fierce as a lion protecting your gorgeous cubs, even if it takes a good zapping! ;) You make me want to try harder, do better. I would love my child to think I am half as good a mother as I see that you are.

I love your girls as if they were my own, or perhaps in a way they are because they are a part of you and you a part of me. Know that I will be here for you & them for always.

I don’t want you to go. Not while I still need you around. Though I know I can’t ask you to stay..

But can you? Just another day, or maybe even forever?

Who else do I know that would stop in my driveway for a Kentucky fried chicken picnic and a phone call? Yes, I totally took that photo, you should know me by now ;)

” And there is the miracle of sisterhood. Without knowing it, in fact sometimes without even liking it, the two of you formed a powerful, unbreakable bond created from thousands of tiny, seemingly forgettable moments.

Today you can see it- that your ideas about loyalty, fairness & cooperation have been formed by each other. You’ve been one another’s teacher, mirror and friend. And deep down you understand what only sisters can know: That you belong to each other in a way that can never belong to anyone else.That a love that grows through stages and phases is even stronger for having been tested. That sticking together works for almost anything life can throw at you. That you’ll keep moving forward, shoulder to shoulder, through every phase of life. And that makes all the difference”

I love you Jomo more than you will ever now. But for now I’ll miss your smile

Filed Under: family, gratitude, Life, Love, PDA